A few years ago, I was asked to speak to a singles group. I cannot recall the exact topic I was to address, but it encompassed what to do while waiting for a spouse. After my presentation, one of the ladies made this comment (which I am paraphrasing): “I’m sorry, but I just have to be real. It is really difficult for me, a single woman who has been waiting a long time to be married, to receive from a woman who has been married a long time. You have a man. I don’t think you can relate to what we feel or have to deal with while waiting for a husband.” Her comment did not catch me off guard because I have heard single women say this before, although not directly to me. Because of this, I was surprised the singles group leader even invited me to speak.
I married at the age of 22, so my wait for a spouse was relatively short compared to many of the singles in this particular group. At the time of this meeting, I had been married a little over 25 years and many of the women there had been waiting that long for a husband. So her point definitely resonated with me as it relates to living single but wanting to be married. I understood her frustration. On the other hand, when she made the comment, a sense of frustration rose in me as well. Part of this frustration stemmed from the fact it appeared the message God sent to help them was being rejected because of my marital status. The truth of God’s Word is powerful. It provides direction, instruction, hope, encouragement, deliverance and healing. And if we hear and receive it, it will make us free. We cannot get caught up in the messenger because God will use whoever He wills to get a Word to us.
The bulk of my frustration, however, resulted from the belief I was unable to relate to singles-in-waiting. This was particularly troublesome in light of the issues I had faced over the years. To clarify this, allow me to share my response to this comment.
Getting married is not by any means the only goal or dream a woman can have. Yes, I am married, but I have other God-given goals and dreams which are vitally important to me. And just like some are still waiting on a spouse, I am still waiting for those dreams to manifest. They look at me and see I have something they desire--marriage. Conversely, I look at them and they are doing things I dream of doing and have things God showed me I will have. I understand they have to fight the difficult temptations of giving in and having sex outside of marriage or compromising on God’s standard for a spouse. Yet I also have to fight temptations to take shortcuts or compromise or step outside of God’s will to get what I desire. In addition, we both resist the same spirits of despair, fear, hopeless and doubt because of the seemingly unending wait.
Single ladies, this article is not about me. I wrote it because, first, I want you to understand that in some ways (not every way) a married woman can relate to your singleness struggles. Do not tune out a woman’s counsel just because she is married. While the specific promises we are waiting on may be different, the struggle is similar. Not only is the struggle similar, but the principles of overcoming and getting victory in these situations are also similar. We are not on opposing teams. We are all fighting the same enemy with the sole evil purpose of stealing, killing and destroying, and he tends to use the same weapons in our different situations. The key to our victory is always God’s Word, so have an ear to hear.
Second, everything in life does not fall into place when you say, “I do.” Once that dream of marriage is fulfilled, there may still be goals or dreams for which you must wait. It will be necessary to continue to exercise and build upon the principles that got you through extended singleness as you progress through fulfilling God’s purpose and plan for your life.
Lastly, in summary, I just want to let you know some of us married women really can relate to the wait!
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