Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Can Married Women Really Relate to Single Women?
A few years ago, I was asked to speak to a singles group. I cannot recall the exact topic I was to address, but it encompassed what to do while waiting for a spouse. After my presentation, one of the ladies made this comment (which I am paraphrasing): “I’m sorry, but I just have to be real. It is really difficult for me, a single woman who has been waiting a long time to be married, to receive from a woman who has been married a long time. You have a man. I don’t think you can relate to what we feel or have to deal with while waiting for a husband.” Her comment did not catch me off guard because I have heard single women say this before, although not directly to me. Because of this, I was surprised the singles group leader even invited me to speak.
I married at the age of 22, so my wait for a spouse was relatively short compared to many of the singles in this particular group. At the time of this meeting, I had been married a little over 25 years and many of the women there had been waiting that long for a husband. So her point definitely resonated with me as it relates to living single but wanting to be married. I understood her frustration. On the other hand, when she made the comment, a sense of frustration rose in me as well. Part of this frustration stemmed from the fact it appeared the message God sent to help them was being rejected because of my marital status. The truth of God’s Word is powerful. It provides direction, instruction, hope, encouragement, deliverance and healing. And if we hear and receive it, it will make us free. We cannot get caught up in the messenger because God will use whoever He wills to get a Word to us.
The bulk of my frustration, however, resulted from the belief I was unable to relate to singles-in-waiting. This was particularly troublesome in light of the issues I had faced over the years. To clarify this, allow me to share my response to this comment.
Getting married is not by any means the only goal or dream a woman can have. Yes, I am married, but I have other God-given goals and dreams which are vitally important to me. And just like some are still waiting on a spouse, I am still waiting for those dreams to manifest. They look at me and see I have something they desire--marriage. Conversely, I look at them and they are doing things I dream of doing and have things God showed me I will have. I understand they have to fight the difficult temptations of giving in and having sex outside of marriage or compromising on God’s standard for a spouse. Yet I also have to fight temptations to take shortcuts or compromise or step outside of God’s will to get what I desire. In addition, we both resist the same spirits of despair, fear, hopeless and doubt because of the seemingly unending wait.
Single ladies, this article is not about me. I wrote it because, first, I want you to understand that in some ways (not every way) a married woman can relate to your singleness struggles. Do not tune out a woman’s counsel just because she is married. While the specific promises we are waiting on may be different, the struggle is similar. Not only is the struggle similar, but the principles of overcoming and getting victory in these situations are also similar. We are not on opposing teams. We are all fighting the same enemy with the sole evil purpose of stealing, killing and destroying, and he tends to use the same weapons in our different situations. The key to our victory is always God’s Word, so have an ear to hear.
Second, everything in life does not fall into place when you say, “I do.” Once that dream of marriage is fulfilled, there may still be goals or dreams for which you must wait. It will be necessary to continue to exercise and build upon the principles that got you through extended singleness as you progress through fulfilling God’s purpose and plan for your life.
Lastly, in summary, I just want to let you know some of us married women really can relate to the wait!
Anti-Abortion Is Anything But Anti-Women
“'Here we go again. It’s another battle in the war on women,’ said Democratic Rep. Barbara Lee of California after the House of Representatives on Tuesday voted to impose tighter restrictions on federal payments for abortions."
This excerpt is from a Wall St. Cheat Sheet article entitled, "Obamacare Abortion Coverage Faces Threats from House Republicans." As usual, the misguided labeling of the battle against abortion in any form as a battle against women has stirred my ire. I have grown so weary of this mindless, automated response to anything pro-life, I want to scream, "PLEASE, JUST STOP IT! PLEASE!"
Is there a battle against women? Absolutely! No argument there. However, the sad truth is abortion is a weapon in the battle AGAINST women. I know it may be difficult to wrap a brain around this, but yes, abortion is designed to destroy women. This bit of information is not coming from “men in blue suits and red ties determining what women should do”—the people who Democratic Rep. Louise Slaughter insinuates are the culprits fighting against women. No, it is coming from me, a woman through and through who possesses a genuine love for people of my gender and has had an abortion.
What needs to be understood is that the battle lines were drawn against women long ago with the first woman, the mother of all living, Eve. Genesis 3:15 states, “From now on, you and the woman will be enemies, and your offspring and her offspring will be enemies.” These words were addressed to Satan by God. And so it began. As I often say, history (as well as the present) is filled with horrendous acts of violence and oppression against women…and children. It is obvious abortion is also a fulfillment of this prophetic utterance. It is a horrific act of violence against women and their children with the sole purpose of destruction.
Undoubtedly, there are men who hate women, just as there are women who hate men and even women who hate women. Even so, no one hates us more than Satan. I have described how abortion hurts women in other blog articles, in my book, Can’t Keep Silent, and in YouTube videos, so I won’t discuss it here. I just want to give women pause as it relates to this utterly ridiculous notion that any efforts, large or small, to stop abortion, or, in keeping with the article, to block federal funding of abortions, are acts of war against women. Abortion IS the war against you. I can’t say every pro-lifer has pure motives in this fight, but I know there are many pro-lifers like myself, men and women, who are fighting FOR women, as well as their unborn children. It’s a fight against death and destruction, not you. Don’t buy the lies. Your real enemy is one you cannot see.
The Oddities Surrounding the Murder of George Tiller
The shooting of George Tiller is a tragic event. A man lost his life, and others lost a husband, a father, friend, brother, and co-worker. My hearts grieves for his natural family and his church family.
I cannot presume to know what Scott Roeder was thinking, but looking at his actions and reported history, it appears he somehow reasoned it was acceptable to kill a man, but unacceptable to kill babies. Odd, isn't it? One would think murder is murder. Equally as odd is the outrage and disgust expressed over Dr. Tiller's murder by those who support abortion. These folks have somehow reasoned it is acceptable to kill babies, but unacceptable to kill a man. I don't get it.
One statement I read regarding Dr. Tiller's murder bemoaned the fact that Dr. Tiller was killed in what is considered to be a "safe place"--a church. I agree. God's house should be a safe place, and I am distressed whenever I hear of a killing in a church. Dr. Tiller must have considered the church a safe place as well since it appears while there, he lacked his usual bodyguard protection. When I read this statement, however, another "safe place" came to mind--the womb. One would think this would be one of the safest places on earth; a place of nurturing, growing, peace and rest. Unfortunately however, the womb has become the setting for a shocking number of violent murders.
I am truly saddened by what happened to Mr. Tiller, but I am also saddened by the fact that Mr. Roeder and abortion supporters are blinded to the incongruity of justifying one violent murder while disdaining another.
President Obama said, "I am shocked and outraged by the murder of Dr. George Tiller as he attended church services this morning. However profound our differences as Americans over difficult issues such as abortion, they cannot be resolved by heinous acts of violence." Ya think? That is exactly what abortion is--a heinous act of violence. Can't wrap my brain around this.
I cannot presume to know what Scott Roeder was thinking, but looking at his actions and reported history, it appears he somehow reasoned it was acceptable to kill a man, but unacceptable to kill babies. Odd, isn't it? One would think murder is murder. Equally as odd is the outrage and disgust expressed over Dr. Tiller's murder by those who support abortion. These folks have somehow reasoned it is acceptable to kill babies, but unacceptable to kill a man. I don't get it.
One statement I read regarding Dr. Tiller's murder bemoaned the fact that Dr. Tiller was killed in what is considered to be a "safe place"--a church. I agree. God's house should be a safe place, and I am distressed whenever I hear of a killing in a church. Dr. Tiller must have considered the church a safe place as well since it appears while there, he lacked his usual bodyguard protection. When I read this statement, however, another "safe place" came to mind--the womb. One would think this would be one of the safest places on earth; a place of nurturing, growing, peace and rest. Unfortunately however, the womb has become the setting for a shocking number of violent murders.
I am truly saddened by what happened to Mr. Tiller, but I am also saddened by the fact that Mr. Roeder and abortion supporters are blinded to the incongruity of justifying one violent murder while disdaining another.
President Obama said, "I am shocked and outraged by the murder of Dr. George Tiller as he attended church services this morning. However profound our differences as Americans over difficult issues such as abortion, they cannot be resolved by heinous acts of violence." Ya think? That is exactly what abortion is--a heinous act of violence. Can't wrap my brain around this.
You Can't Lose the Right to Choose, Part 2
Every minute of every day men, women, boys and girls are making decisions to do what they want regardless of the laws of the land. People are running stop signs, exceeding speed limits, stealing, embezzling, murdering, raping, assaulting, and so on. Are there laws against these things? Certainly there are, but in and of themselves they do nothing to alter a person’s right to choose. Consequently, the truth of the matter is women, men, boys and girls will always have the right to choose. It is a God-given right, and the government cannot take it away.
Words are important—critically important—and in this abortion battle, close attention must be paid to the words that are used. When it comes to the “right to choose,” abortion supporters use it within the context of a woman’s choice as it relates to her body. They say that a woman should be able to choose what she does with her body. There are bumper stickers and signs that command, “Keep your laws off my body.”
Of course this sounds like a worthy fight, doesn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to defend personal freedoms like what we do with our bodies, especially in America, where freedom is supposedly what makes this nation so great. This so-called battle for a “woman’s right to choose what to do with her body,” however, is merely a smoke-screen to cover the real issue, which is the fight to enable a woman to terminate her child’s life at will with no legal consequence. But no one is going to say that. Who is going to publicly support the murder of a child? So the wording has to be changed to make the act more palatable. Thus, we end up with the fight for the “right to choose.” We must not get caught up in the passion and the rhetoric, but step back and look at the real underlying issues.
The fight is for choice, but not necessarily for what a woman does with her body. It is a fight to choose her consequences also. With every choice or decision, there are results, repercussions, consequences. It’s inherent in the decision. It comes as a package.
Words are important—critically important—and in this abortion battle, close attention must be paid to the words that are used. When it comes to the “right to choose,” abortion supporters use it within the context of a woman’s choice as it relates to her body. They say that a woman should be able to choose what she does with her body. There are bumper stickers and signs that command, “Keep your laws off my body.”
Of course this sounds like a worthy fight, doesn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to defend personal freedoms like what we do with our bodies, especially in America, where freedom is supposedly what makes this nation so great. This so-called battle for a “woman’s right to choose what to do with her body,” however, is merely a smoke-screen to cover the real issue, which is the fight to enable a woman to terminate her child’s life at will with no legal consequence. But no one is going to say that. Who is going to publicly support the murder of a child? So the wording has to be changed to make the act more palatable. Thus, we end up with the fight for the “right to choose.” We must not get caught up in the passion and the rhetoric, but step back and look at the real underlying issues.
The fight is for choice, but not necessarily for what a woman does with her body. It is a fight to choose her consequences also. With every choice or decision, there are results, repercussions, consequences. It’s inherent in the decision. It comes as a package.
You Can't Lose the Right to Choose - Part 1
I overheard a conversation in which a few of my friends were discussing how words and symbols that once had innocent or godly meanings are now used to represent various forms of ungodliness. Take the rainbow, for instance. God created the rainbow as a reminder that He would never again cover the earth with a flood as He did in Noah’s day. Today, instead of this symbol reminding us of God’s promise, it is widely recognized as a symbol of lesbianism.
A similar misrepresentation of words and symbols has infiltrated the abortion movement. What comes to your mind when you hear the words, “pro-choice?” Do you think of someone who advocates the right to choose? Or do you think of someone who supports abortion? In this day and time, the term “pro-choice” automatically brings to mind someone who advocates abortion. “Choice” or the “right to choose” has now been misconstrued and reduced to a term that is equated with murder.
To get a better understanding of what many people are aggressively, yet blindly defending, let’s take a look at the origin of “choice.” Where did our right to choose originate? Who gave women the right to choose? Was it the Supreme Court in its high and lofty role when it made the decision to legalize abortion in 1973? Did Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood, give women this special ability? Was it the National Organization of Women or another feminist group? Was it the result of women fighting and picketing like they did for the right to vote?
To all of the aforementioned, no. The right to choose, not how it has been redefined in this age, but in its purest sense is a gift given to mankind, both men and women, by God Himself and was exercised by the first-formed man and woman in the Garden of Eden. Yes, contrary to what many may believe, God is pro-choice. Please understand that I said God is pro-choice, not pro-abortion. In and of itself, pro-choice just means “for choice.”
God in His infinite wisdom gave us what no other earthly creature possesses--a free will. Unlike the rest of creation, we humans do what we do because we choose to, not because of some basic instinct or urge. Despite widespread claims of the “I can’t help its,” we all have the right and the ability to make choices. This right and ability originated with the Lord.
He is sovereign and powerful, so it would have been an effortless task for Him to make us automatons with no other desire than doing His will, His way. But the pattern He chose from which to make us is His image and likeness, and this pattern includes a free will. He desires worshippers who worship Him because they choose to, not because they have to. We, as human beings, know that love and commitment is far sweeter when it flows to us out of hearts that willingly choose to love, as opposed to being coerced. God certainly desires no less.
He is sovereign and powerful, so it would have been an effortless task for Him to make us automatons with no other desire than doing His will, His way. But the pattern He chose from which to make us is His image and likeness, and this pattern includes a free will. He desires worshippers who worship Him because they choose to, not because they have to. We, as human beings, know that love and commitment is far sweeter when it flows to us out of hearts that willingly choose to love, as opposed to being coerced. God certainly desires no less.
His desire for willing worshippers is seen in Joshua 24:15, where Joshua, the leader of Israel, set this ultimatum before the people:
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
This desire can also be seen in the ultimatum presented to Israel by the prophet Elijah in I Kings 18:21:
And Elijah came unto all the people and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? If the Lord be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word.
His stance on choice is also seen with angels. He created them, but in doing so, He also gave them the freewill to choose whether or not to serve Him. Eventually, one-third of the angels in heaven exercised their freewill to rebel against God, pledging their allegiance to Satan and joining him in his fall.
Deuteronomy 30 further confirms the fact that God is pro-choice. Verse 15 says,
See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil.
Then, verse 19 says,
I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing;
In these two verses of scripture, God is setting before His people a list of options from which they can choose: life, death, blessing, evil and cursing. In doing this, He is allowing them to exercise their ability to choose the direction of their lives.
Thus, we do not possess the right to choose because our country’s government passes a law giving us that right. We will always have the ability to exercise choice regardless of what the government does because God created us with this wonderful ability. So, please understand this one important point: Laws banning abortion do not take away a woman’s right to choose.Continued in part 2 . . .
I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing;
In these two verses of scripture, God is setting before His people a list of options from which they can choose: life, death, blessing, evil and cursing. In doing this, He is allowing them to exercise their ability to choose the direction of their lives.
Thus, we do not possess the right to choose because our country’s government passes a law giving us that right. We will always have the ability to exercise choice regardless of what the government does because God created us with this wonderful ability. So, please understand this one important point: Laws banning abortion do not take away a woman’s right to choose.Continued in part 2 . . .
The "Rights" of Christians
I am amazed at how in America, seemingly everyone except Christians have rights (even animals). As an example, if a Christian disagrees with the homosexual lifestyle, he/she is deemed a bigot and intolerant. I am not talking about harrassing or hurting anyone; I am talking about just stating one’s opinion about it. However, if someone condemns Christianity, I don’t usually hear the terms “bigot” or “intolerant” thrown around. It seems tolerance of views other than your own often flows in one direction…away from Christians.
Recently, the responses regarding the issue of President Obama’s health care reform requiring religious institutions to provide birth control coverage in their health insurance plans contribute to my sense of amazement. These comments state religious institutions should not be allowed to “force” their contraception beliefs on their employees. But is it acceptable for President Obama to “force” his contraception beliefs on religious institutions?
Who exactly is getting hurt by these religious institutions’ contraceptive beliefs? Well, according to the commenters, their employees. They say the insitutions should incorporate birth control into their insurance plans, and employees who share the beliefs can opt not to use it. That’s nice. However, I say, if employees want birth control in their health insurance plans, they can opt to work for a company that offers it. They have a choice.
As I see it, the only ones truly at risk of hurt are religious institutions. First of all, their conscience and beliefs are being violated. Second, by not providing covered birth control, they could potentially lose good employees. However, I am assuming their health plans do not currently cover birth control, yet they still have employees.
Are You Really Free?
Freedom. What a glorious word! Simply reading or hearing it triggers an intuitive sense of justice; an internal knowing that it’s a right and must be possessed at all costs. Throughout the ages, this innate instinct has thrust even the gentlest souls into fierce conflicts and has resulted in countless lives being lost on battlefields, plantations, prison grounds, borders, and in defiant marches and protests.
Many of the freedoms we currently enjoy were obtained through courageous battles against injustices like governmental oppression and slavery. The price of these freedoms, which are often taken for granted, were paid with a valuable currency - blood.
Thank God for America, the “Land of the Free” and its many freedoms. Foreigners eagerly migrate to America to quench their thirst for freedom and its benefits. However, as wonderful and enviable as these freedoms may be, unfortunately, they are limited to the external realm.
If we could steal a glimpse of America from the inside of its citizens, a totally different picture would emerge. We’d see grim images of oppressive bondage: hearts, minds, wills, and emotions bound in burdensome chains and fetters; dreams, visions, and untapped potential locked away in jail cells with unknown keys.
Who will pay the price and fight to liberate those whose minds are held captive by oppressors like torment and/or negative self-image? Who will wage war against the unseen enemies who ravage men and women’s emotions with fear, depression, and rage? Can the power of the United States’ armed forces fight and win this battle for freedom? Can police restore order to this internal chaos? Can protests on the steps of governmental headquarters buy freedom for the spirit and soul?
The answer is, “No!” Absolutely not. It’s a battle that cannot be won with man-made weapons. Who then is able to pay the price which liberates captive, hurting souls?The good news is that One has already shed His blood, fought the battle, and won our freedom. Who is He? He is Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God. His death, burial and resurrection have freed us from the hard bondage of sin, and have given us the legal right to walk as free men and women in our hearts and our minds.
Jesus has paid the price for our freedom, but many are yet bound in various areas of their lives because they do not know or understand the liberty available to them in Christ. Others know, but don’t comprehend the power they possess through Christ’s victory to break free from their tormentors’ snare.
The blood has been shed and the battle won. Now it’s time for the real you—the you God intricately and meticulously designed--to emerge from the chains and dark prison of spiritual and emotional bondage and fulfill your God-given purpose and destiny.
It’s time for you to truly go free!
You Can't Vote on Just One Issue!
Well, the 2008 election is over, and I am relieved - not so much because of the outcome, but because the decision for whom to vote was nothing short of agonizing. So allow me to exhale a great big WHEW!
I know, I know. . . You are probably thinking what some of my peers were thinking (and saying for that fact). That is:
"I don't understand why you are having a hard time with the decision. Isn't it obvious who should be the President? You must not have looked at what he stands for, and what he can do for this nation?"
Quite to the contrary, I did look. As a matter of fact, I looked at both sides. Mr. McCain struck a sour note with me for many reasons. Yet, when I researched Mr. Obama, it was kind of refreshing to see that several of his plans reflected my own desires for what I would like to see happen in our nation. So, like my peers, you may ask, "So what's the problem. What would keep you for voting for him?"
The problem stemmed from a few issues on which we disagree, and one in particular that became the looming mountain that precluded me from jumping on the Obama bandwagon. I really wanted to jump on that bandwagon. I mean, as a biracial black woman who did not think I would see any possibility of a black president in my lifetime, I wanted to contribute my vote to making history and putting him in office. And from what I could tell, he seemed to be a man with a plan who could possibly unite our sorely divided nation. Not only that, but I knew in my heart he was going to win. Still, what became the reins around my volition yanking me to a grinding halt whenever I thought I may have reasoned myself into supporting him with my vote was that ONE ISSUE. To vote for him would be a violation of my deeply rooted personal convictions.
Now if someone had said to me what I'm saying here, I would probably say, "Well, do what you think you have to do." Unfortunately, though, I didn't hear that. Maybe if I had, the decision-making process would have been easier. However, what turned it into sheer agony was the the statement that I heard repeated seemingly in surround sound from friends, the pulpit, and co-workers-- "You can't vote based on just one issue!" I was instructed by those whom I highly respect to consider all of my values when making the decision, not just one.
While attempting to heed this counsel, I learned something about my values that was not obvious to me before--my values have different "values." Maybe others' values carry equal weight, so the quantity of issues which a presidential candidate promises to positively impact becomes their deciding factor. But that is just not the case with me.
My conviction that it is wrong (not to mention inhumane, horrible, savage) to take the lives of innocent unborn children through abortion weighs heavily on my heart. These are lives who receive a death sentence, not for a heinous crime, but just for existing or for not being perfect. They cannot run and hide; they cannot appeal the decision, plead their case, ask for help, beg for mercy, or seek a pardon. Child Protective Services cannot rescue them. They possess no voice and receive no protection. This makes it difficult for me to vote for a man who vehemently supports denying these children their right to live. But what makes it nearly impossible for me to vote for him is that he does not stop there. No, he takes it to a whole other level. He is willing to have medical care denied for babies who survive an abortion (research the Born Alive Act). That's just cold. I have heard it said that support for Obama is evidence that we are now in the midst of fulfilling Martin Luther King's dream of a time when people would not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. Mr. Obama's stance on abortion and babies born alive after an abortion strikes serious concern in me about his character. How hard your heart must be to think it is just to leave aborted babies born alive to die. It is scary. It is also ironic seeing how one of his most popular platforms is health care for everyone. Obviously, he did not mean everyone.
As I stated before, I knew he would win. However, now I must do as the Bible commands and pray for him. And I do. I pray that God's will be done in him and through him and that his heart would be pliable in the Lord's hands.
So, can you vote based on just one issue? It depends on the issue.
I know, I know. . . You are probably thinking what some of my peers were thinking (and saying for that fact). That is:
"I don't understand why you are having a hard time with the decision. Isn't it obvious who should be the President? You must not have looked at what he stands for, and what he can do for this nation?"
Quite to the contrary, I did look. As a matter of fact, I looked at both sides. Mr. McCain struck a sour note with me for many reasons. Yet, when I researched Mr. Obama, it was kind of refreshing to see that several of his plans reflected my own desires for what I would like to see happen in our nation. So, like my peers, you may ask, "So what's the problem. What would keep you for voting for him?"
The problem stemmed from a few issues on which we disagree, and one in particular that became the looming mountain that precluded me from jumping on the Obama bandwagon. I really wanted to jump on that bandwagon. I mean, as a biracial black woman who did not think I would see any possibility of a black president in my lifetime, I wanted to contribute my vote to making history and putting him in office. And from what I could tell, he seemed to be a man with a plan who could possibly unite our sorely divided nation. Not only that, but I knew in my heart he was going to win. Still, what became the reins around my volition yanking me to a grinding halt whenever I thought I may have reasoned myself into supporting him with my vote was that ONE ISSUE. To vote for him would be a violation of my deeply rooted personal convictions.
Now if someone had said to me what I'm saying here, I would probably say, "Well, do what you think you have to do." Unfortunately, though, I didn't hear that. Maybe if I had, the decision-making process would have been easier. However, what turned it into sheer agony was the the statement that I heard repeated seemingly in surround sound from friends, the pulpit, and co-workers-- "You can't vote based on just one issue!" I was instructed by those whom I highly respect to consider all of my values when making the decision, not just one.
While attempting to heed this counsel, I learned something about my values that was not obvious to me before--my values have different "values." Maybe others' values carry equal weight, so the quantity of issues which a presidential candidate promises to positively impact becomes their deciding factor. But that is just not the case with me.
My conviction that it is wrong (not to mention inhumane, horrible, savage) to take the lives of innocent unborn children through abortion weighs heavily on my heart. These are lives who receive a death sentence, not for a heinous crime, but just for existing or for not being perfect. They cannot run and hide; they cannot appeal the decision, plead their case, ask for help, beg for mercy, or seek a pardon. Child Protective Services cannot rescue them. They possess no voice and receive no protection. This makes it difficult for me to vote for a man who vehemently supports denying these children their right to live. But what makes it nearly impossible for me to vote for him is that he does not stop there. No, he takes it to a whole other level. He is willing to have medical care denied for babies who survive an abortion (research the Born Alive Act). That's just cold. I have heard it said that support for Obama is evidence that we are now in the midst of fulfilling Martin Luther King's dream of a time when people would not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. Mr. Obama's stance on abortion and babies born alive after an abortion strikes serious concern in me about his character. How hard your heart must be to think it is just to leave aborted babies born alive to die. It is scary. It is also ironic seeing how one of his most popular platforms is health care for everyone. Obviously, he did not mean everyone.
As I stated before, I knew he would win. However, now I must do as the Bible commands and pray for him. And I do. I pray that God's will be done in him and through him and that his heart would be pliable in the Lord's hands.
So, can you vote based on just one issue? It depends on the issue.
Is Marriage Still Honorable?
On Valentine's Day 2007, my son proposed marriage to his girlfriend. He's 22 and a senior in college and she's a 19-year old college freshman. After their proposal, I heard others comment that they are too young to marry. When they announced they'd like to get married in August, I then heard comments judging August as too soon. I seriously began to wonder, how old do you need to be to get married? How do you determine the "right time" or "right age" to get married?
Let me say, in this day and time we're living in, I admire my son for even wanting to marry at his age. I think it's...well...honorable. I don't want to presume to talk for God, but I think He would think it honorable as well. I base this on Hebrews 13:9 which says, "Marriage is honorable. . ." Honorable means worthy of honor and respect. These days, marriage seems to have lost its honor and is seen more of a bondage, a trap, and something of which we should be terrified. But I don’t believe this is how God intended it to be.
Negative views of marriage lead to putting marriage on hold. And I believe the postponement of marriage can open wide the door to sexual sin. In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul says, “For I would that all men were even as myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.” It seems that he is saying that he preferred that people remained single as he was, but he recognized that not everyone has the gift of singleness or celibacy. And don’t we know that! It takes something special to be single and celibate, not just in this day, but obviously in that day as well. He goes on to say in verses 8 and 9, “I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” This is so interesting to me because some people maintain long lists of prerequisites and prequalifications for marriage, but Paul here boils it right on down. If you can’t keep yourself sexually, then it’s just better to get married.
Keep that in mind as we read what Paul says back in verses 1 and 2: “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” Again, Paul brings the timing of marriage right back to sex.
I’m not saying this should be the sole guideline for marriage. In this article, I’m dealing moreso with the “when” but there are scriptures where God issues guidelines for the “who.” I’m just making a point that we attach more to getting married because of our own negative past experiences or the experiences of other couples than what I see in the Word of God. And a whole lot on folks’ list of prerequisites and prequalifications for marriage deal with money. Is that God? Ironically, people are told to wait to get married based on things we are told NOT to worry about in Matthew 6.
I don’t believe that a lack of money has to lead to divorce. If that was the case, I would’ve been divorced years ago; but my husband and I have a good marriage, despite the financial issues we’ve dealt with. Again, it’s not a lack of money that causes divorce, but a lack of faith. A couple can wait to get married until they have all kinds of good paying jobs and money in the bank, but if, let’s say, they work for Ford and all of a sudden have no job, then what? Should they have not gotten married? Should they now divorce? No. They just have to believe God together that He will do what He said in Matthew 6. Pre-marital counseling, formal and informal, is a good thing because the Bible says that in the multitude of counselors there is safety. But my concern is that the counsel being dished out is more human than godly. It emanates more from a standpoint of marriage as dishonorable than honorable. I get concerned when people are told they “have to” wait, especially when there’s no discussion of whether or not they can contain themselves. Should anyone tell a couple they can’t get married? How does that fit in with 1 Timothy 4:3 that describes one characteristic of departing from the faith as forbidding to marry?
My son’s desire to marry at 22, to me, reflects the honor his dad and I attach to marriage. In the midst of our own troubles, we’ve still tried to focus on the fact that our marriage is a good thing. So, it is disheartening to hear people—in the church and outside--advise him from a reference point of their own disappointments, fears, regrets, misconceptions and/or disdain for marriage, as opposed to God’s Word which says marriage is honorable.
In over two decades of talking and counseling with married people, I’ve come to realize that no matter how “perfect” the circumstances are when a couple marries, EVERYBODY has marital issues and challenges. Pre-marital counseling is great in that it helps to identify areas that may or will be problematic. However, I believe once an area comes out in counseling, it’s up to the couple alone to determine whether they will be able to deal with it.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this. I’m teachable and open to differing opinions, as long as they are biblical.
In over two decades of talking and counseling with married people, I’ve come to realize that no matter how “perfect” the circumstances are when a couple marries, EVERYBODY has marital issues and challenges. Pre-marital counseling is great in that it helps to identify areas that may or will be problematic. However, I believe once an area comes out in counseling, it’s up to the couple alone to determine whether they will be able to deal with it.
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