Is Marriage Still Honorable?

On Valentine's Day 2007, my son proposed marriage to his girlfriend.  He's 22 and a senior in college and she's a 19-year old college freshman.  After their proposal, I heard others comment that they are too young to marry.  When they announced they'd like to get married in August, I then heard comments judging August as too soon.  I seriously began to wonder, how old do you need to be to get married?  How do you determine the "right time" or "right age" to get married? 

Let me say, in this day and time we're living in, I admire my son for even wanting to marry at his age.  I think it's...well...honorable.  I don't want to presume to talk for God, but I think He would think it honorable as well.  I base this on Hebrews 13:9 which says, "Marriage is honorable. . ."  Honorable means worthy of honor and respect.  These days, marriage seems to have lost its honor and is seen more of a bondage, a trap, and something of which we should be terrified.  But I don’t believe this is how God intended it to be.

Negative views of marriage lead to putting marriage on hold.  And I believe the postponement of marriage can open wide the door to sexual sin.  In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul says, “For I would that all men were even as myself.  But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.”  It seems that he is saying that he preferred that people remained single as he was, but he recognized that not everyone has the gift of singleness or celibacy.  And don’t we know that!  It takes something special to be single and celibate, not just in this day, but obviously in that day as well.  He goes on to say in verses 8 and 9, “I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.  But if they cannot contain, let them marry:  for it is better to marry than to burn.”  This is so interesting to me because some people maintain long lists of prerequisites and prequalifications for marriage, but Paul here boils it right on down.  If you can’t keep yourself sexually, then it’s just better to get married. 

Keep that in mind as we read what Paul says back in verses 1 and 2:  “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me:  It is good for man not to touch a woman.  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”  Again, Paul brings the timing of marriage right back to sex. 

I’m not saying this should be the sole guideline for marriage.  In this article, I’m dealing moreso with the “when” but there are scriptures where God issues guidelines for the “who.”  I’m just making a point that we attach more to getting married because of our own negative past experiences or the experiences of other couples than what I see in the Word of God.  And a whole lot on folks’ list of prerequisites and prequalifications for marriage deal with money.  Is that God?  Ironically, people are told to wait to get married based on things we are told NOT to worry about in Matthew 6.

I don’t believe that a lack of money has to lead to divorce.  If that was the case, I would’ve been divorced years ago; but my husband and I have a good marriage, despite the financial issues we’ve dealt with.  Again, it’s not a lack of money that causes divorce, but a lack of faith.  A couple can wait to get married until they have all kinds of good paying jobs and money in the bank, but if, let’s say, they work for Ford and all of a sudden have no job, then what?  Should they have not gotten married?  Should they now divorce?  No.  They just have to believe God together that He will do what He said in Matthew 6.  

Pre-marital counseling, formal and informal, is a good thing because the Bible says that in the multitude of counselors there is safety.  But my concern is that the counsel being dished out is more human than godly.  It emanates more from a standpoint of marriage as dishonorable than honorable.  I get concerned when people are told they “have to” wait, especially when there’s no discussion of whether or not they can contain themselves.  Should anyone tell a couple they can’t get married?  How does that fit in with 1 Timothy 4:3 that describes one characteristic of departing from the faith as forbidding to marry?

If you look at Paul’s advice on marriage again, you’ll notice that he said he preferred that all men were single like him (not based on the disrespect of marriage, but based on his experience of being able to serve God without distraction), but the next sentence begins with a “but”.  Again, he recognized that everyone was not like him.  We can have our opinion of when and how people should get married, and offer that counsel, but ultimately, they need to do what they need to do.  It’s unfair to ask them to delay marriage without understanding whether or not they can contain themselves.

My son’s desire to marry at 22, to me, reflects the honor his dad and I attach to marriage.  In the midst of our own troubles, we’ve still tried to focus on the fact that our marriage is a good thing.  So, it is disheartening to hear people—in the church and outside--advise him from a reference point of their own disappointments, fears, regrets, misconceptions and/or disdain for marriage, as opposed to God’s Word which says marriage is honorable.

In over two decades of talking and counseling with married people, I’ve come to realize that no matter how “perfect” the circumstances are when a couple marries, EVERYBODY has marital issues and challenges.  Pre-marital counseling is great in that it helps to identify areas that may or will be problematic.  However, I believe once an area comes out in counseling, it’s up to the couple alone to determine whether they will be able to deal with it. 

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this.  I’m teachable and open to differing opinions, as long as they are biblical.